The house

Since I was first in hospital almost 3 weeks ago I have been sleeping restlessly and have been plauged by nightmares. (and sexual dreams that have had nothing to do with Dean what is up with that?... perhaps that is for another blog)
The nightmares have all been based on the death of family members and my children and as you can imagine they are pretty damn frightening. Unlike most nightmares these don't wake me with a start, instead I wake gently and the dream fades away without causing me conscious anxiety. The only image left behind form these dreams seems to be a house and its yard.
The body of the dream fades but this house is haunting me. It is the same house with every dream although bits of it seem to change with each dream. I wish I could draw a 3d image and try and put it all together in a drawing.
Awake this house seems to be bits and pieces of all the houses I have ever lived in or spent large amounts of time in. The rooms are all dark though and the walls unfinished in raw wood. There is little rhyme or reason to the layout of the house itself but the basement is always part of the dream.
The landscaping for the backyard is layered. A taste of all styles in a steep sloping yard the top level of which is contemporary concrete work with a concrete inlaid pool filled with crystal blue water (yes i dream in full color) . The next level isn't level at all it is a rolling hill covered in vivid green grass. Then a forest of trees dark green, so dense that a path has been cut through them leading down to the final level of the back yard. A beach covered in pristine white sand. Large driftwood logs provide a place to sit and relax while looking over open water that laps against the shore. Sometimes there is a breeze on the water and other times it is as calm as the feelings I have upon awakening knowing that my family is safe and sound in their beds awaiting the dawn of a new day.
I am emotional lately and I suppose that emotion and all its fears are seeping into my dreams. The events of the last few weeks have all happened so rapidly that I still haven't absorbed them all. A very good friend said to me yesterday that is is amazing how different a place I was in just 10 days ago. Awaiting surgery and the anxiety that went with that.
I am past the surgery and into recovery and facing the anxieties that go with that. Nevermind the inability to sneeze, laugh. or cry without intense pain. LOL Recovery is going slow and steady and as long as I remember I am fallable I seem to be alright. Walked a little too much yesterday and I am paying for it today.
I want to thank all of you for your well wishes and support over the last few weeks. I can't tell you how nice it is to have friends like all of you. Each of you took time to reassure me and to give me that emotional support that you can only get from true friends. Once again it has been proven that yahoo isn't all immaturity and stupidity.
If you don't see me around it is because my MOM and DEAN have instructed me to rest. I have to listen to them or Dean will tie me to the bed and it won't be the fun kind of tie down and if i still don't listen he will sick my mother on me and ya know what.... she scares me. LOL
Love and Hugs
Susan